…and also, my favorite Rolling Stones song.
Yesterday, I received an email from the beautiful Lacy just checking in…i.e. reading between the lines on what the heck is going on in my mind these days. That one, she’s a smarty as there has been a lot going on there. Sadly or thankfully (???) it all stems from work.
I have not been content at work for some time now. It ebbs and flows with degrees of contentment and non-contentment—always has and probably will till I get to be in a place where I just love my job (if that is possible…and I truly do think it is, I just haven’t found it yet). But these last few weeks, I have decided that I need to be very proactive about moving to the next level in company. Thankfully, I have put enough time into what I am doing now that I do not have that holding me back. I have been looking and have come to the realization that in order to do pretty much whatever I could want to do in this company, I have to go back and be an Assistant Buyer again. Apparently, my previous work experience does not count and it is back to square one. Don’t get me started on what I really think about that… For me that position is a been there, done that kind of thing. Taking a step backward or forwards? I don’t know. The way my job is structured, it would be taking a step forward, for me mentally, a step backwards. Can I do the job? Yes. Do I want to do it? No. Will it get me where I eventually want to go? Maybe. Regardless, it would open more doors to other things and that is what I am concentrating on right now.
Here is the biggest kicker of them all: the time commitment. Everything in life comes at a price and a job is no exception to that. To go up the next step is a big time commitment—8-5 becomes unheard of and a possibility of some travel in there to spice things up a little is added to the mix. If I did not have a beautiful baby girl, I would not even think twice about it, but I do and that makes things even more complex. Every day something new has happened or changes with her and I don’t want to miss a minute of it. I work so that I can provide the best I can for her and for us as a family.
So where does this leave me? Sitting up to my ears in indecision.
In the meantime, this is what has been staring at me from my cube wall, giving me some hope:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jer. 29:11
Yesterday, I received an email from the beautiful Lacy just checking in…i.e. reading between the lines on what the heck is going on in my mind these days. That one, she’s a smarty as there has been a lot going on there. Sadly or thankfully (???) it all stems from work.
I have not been content at work for some time now. It ebbs and flows with degrees of contentment and non-contentment—always has and probably will till I get to be in a place where I just love my job (if that is possible…and I truly do think it is, I just haven’t found it yet). But these last few weeks, I have decided that I need to be very proactive about moving to the next level in company. Thankfully, I have put enough time into what I am doing now that I do not have that holding me back. I have been looking and have come to the realization that in order to do pretty much whatever I could want to do in this company, I have to go back and be an Assistant Buyer again. Apparently, my previous work experience does not count and it is back to square one. Don’t get me started on what I really think about that… For me that position is a been there, done that kind of thing. Taking a step backward or forwards? I don’t know. The way my job is structured, it would be taking a step forward, for me mentally, a step backwards. Can I do the job? Yes. Do I want to do it? No. Will it get me where I eventually want to go? Maybe. Regardless, it would open more doors to other things and that is what I am concentrating on right now.
Here is the biggest kicker of them all: the time commitment. Everything in life comes at a price and a job is no exception to that. To go up the next step is a big time commitment—8-5 becomes unheard of and a possibility of some travel in there to spice things up a little is added to the mix. If I did not have a beautiful baby girl, I would not even think twice about it, but I do and that makes things even more complex. Every day something new has happened or changes with her and I don’t want to miss a minute of it. I work so that I can provide the best I can for her and for us as a family.
So where does this leave me? Sitting up to my ears in indecision.
In the meantime, this is what has been staring at me from my cube wall, giving me some hope:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jer. 29:11
Posts
3 comments:
I don't know what to tell you. The mom in me would say to work the least amount that you can....you're right, those milestones happen fast (and when they start talking, you hate to miss the funny things they say). But as a person, sometimes I just feel like I am worthless....job-wise, I don't have any real skills (it scares me to go back to accounting or teaching), and I don't even have any hobbies that I'm really good at. I have a ton of things I'd like to do (and to get better at, and to learn in the first place), but just no time to pursue them. So I feel like my entire identity is wrapped up in taking care of my kids....which gets very boring, and makes me feel like a total loser sometimes.
So I guess I would do something that makes you feel fulfilled at work, while not committing to something that you know will make you feel guilty for being away from Elizabeth too much (was that sentence too long?).
Okay, I have to rephrase something. The fact that my entire identity involves taking care of my kids doesn't, in itself, make me feel like a loser. But sometimes I feel like I'm doing such a bad job at that....I lose my temper with Grant and get frustrated easily. That's when I feel just worthless....because it's my only "job" and I don't even do well at that!
I completely understand your dilemma. This is 90% of what holds me back when I contemplate opening my own ballet school. When I look at the other school owners I know and see how many hours they put in, how their weekends are full of work, and how their families suffer -- I just don't know how I could do it. But yet, there's always that little tug in my heart that says, "This is what you're an expert at. Do it -- you owe it to yourself and the kids in this area." If it weren't for James, and the huge value I place on my time w/ Justin, I would go for it.
It's not an easy decision that you're facing -- but luckily you don't have to rush into (or out of) anything. I can understand not wanting to feel like you're moving in reverse, even if it could eventually lead to advancement. And I can really understand not wanting to feel like you're working your life away. But I can also understand the desire to feel like you're taking charge of your career, and proud of the path you're on.
Just hang in there and let your heart tell you. Pray, listen, and I think you'll feel a definite tug one way or the other. However it works out, you should be proud that you're a gal who "has it all!"
Post a Comment